Day 9/30 #LiveHard #Phase1

What’s LOVE got to do with it. Unsure why love is on the brain ( thanks Rhianna), but I’ve been thinking a fair bit about what is in store for me in the area of alofa or eros in this case.

I had a conversation with a few friends last weekend about it, a beautiful married couple, who encouraged me to no end about trying online dating. I have tried it in the past, but its sooooooo hard ( woe is me), I’m kind of an old fashioned gal, you know the old school way of being pursued and asked out in person, not having to rely on someone judging you from a photo to determine whether you’re good enough to continue dialogue with OR take on a date ( I know its not like that all the time). I know that its worked for some people including my own family, but I have a bit of a fear of putting myself out there in that way. Who would have thought, when it comes to work and other things, maaatteee no fefe, but this, I guess I have waited this long man, and really don’t want to stuff it up!

So what’s the next best thing then? Positioning myself in places and spaces where I can meet new people, again covid restrictions have lifted so why not Mo? If I’m honest, I need to get out of my own way and just do it! It wasn’t until our Sunday sessions at Williamstown with the Mana Wahine in early Feb, that I felt 100% comfortable in my own skin in terms of my own feminine energy, there is something liberating about having the moana just envelop your being when immersed in her, my curvaceous and not so toned temple, she has got me through some trying times, honestly it was so free’ing ( is this even a word ha), no judgement amongst the sisterhood about the way I looked ( body positivity at an all time high), I felt something break over me. I believe this breakthrough will go a long way in helping with this area of alofa (speak those things Moana)

So, here’s hoping that an earthly companion will show himself strong in 2022 ( this is me being vulnerable and putting it out into the universe, cos I know there are only like 2 people that read this, so safe ha), its been a looooong asssssss minute since I’ve really connected with someone on that level, and truth be told when that relationship concluded, gosh its almost 2 decades now, I jumped into my work, my chosen sport, became heavily involved in voluntary activities, travelled, and I invested in myself and others by seeking knowledge, and along the way have built a tribe that has my back and I theirs.

Looking back, I’m glad that the last few decades was spent that way, healing, re-building, developing, investing in self, serving my family and others, then healing again after the loss of Dad, and re-directing energies and efforts to land in a new sector in my late 30s, and here I am now, sitting in Naarm, away from home, and pouring out my thoughts online.

Don’t know why I decided tonight was the night I would lay it all out there on here, I’ve wondered why I have had success in all other areas except this, I guess for me there maybe some hidden lessons in it all. Maybe in the waiting I was going through preparation like Queen Esther, maybe my person has been pre-occupied with life that he hasn’t looked up or maybe he is drunk in a tavern somewhere in the outback waiting for his come to Jesus moment bahahaha ( nah honest)

I reckon I’m pretty intuitive, and I do sense change is coming in a real way, I know I have said it nearly every year for gawd knows how long, but 2022 is my year! I’m going to claim it, and I’m also going to put some action into this declaration, if he ain’t gonna come knocking or calling, and if noone in my circles has any solid referrals, then I better do my own self a favour and position myself, lessssgooooooo Moana ( my own hype woman, cos Lord knows I need it).

Cloud heart in the sky in the clouds and sunshine

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